put paid

My mother-in-law told me that little one went for a drive with her daddy and then her uncle and auntie and when she got back, she was a bit sad. This was not said to upset me, but I felt upset anyway. The thought that she was feeling melancholy and I could not give her a hug. I felt wretched. SO tonight when my husband called, I started to tell him about it and he side stepped what I was saying, only to find out when I would be leaving Trinidad. I got so mad that I told him that it made no sense talking with him at all, and that we do not speak the same language.

I was so aggetated when I hung up that I called the only person I know who I could discuss such a matter with. I was so pleseantly sated by his words. He asked me, why did I expect something different from someone who clearly is not capable of giving me the sort of emotional support that I want.
I sat back and thought to myself, exactly.
I should know better.
I have known better.

My friend also reminded me that I miss home, and that I am doing something that isn't easy. But he also reminded me that I am not the first person that this has happened to. What I am experiencing is quite natural to someone who has to make the sort of decisions that one has to make when coming to another country.

I really appreciated what he said to me. I could not have seen this like that, i am so close to it.

I am always surprised at my reaction to my husband. I seem equally unable to change as well.
But tonight my anger came from a realisation that I was talking to a brick wall. He cannot see things as I do. He is incapable of doing so, and I have to mourn the fact and move on. Not expect him to be what he cannot, and accept who he really is. The unvarnished reality (as I see it).