Projecting


Last night I almost recanted the post I wrote. But this morning I awoke with a better sense of what I meant. Now that may sound weird, but I knew that I was stating something that had a greater enfoldment later.

Now that it is later, I can say that I have given other views some thought.

Here is a sample of what I mean...what if I meet this criteria that my husband is so hell bent on me meeting, ie: a job that is promised for January. Then he cannot say that I did not take the matter seriously, and he cannot hold over my head the view that I should return quickly.
Knowing him as I do however, he may say that I should look for something better than what I got, if what it is, is something that starts in January. He'd be loath to admit that his plans have been usurped by me.

Last night I also saw the need to hold strongly to my own decision, and to not let his view colour my own true beliefs. I want to be able to see our little one. I too have a suppose (as he did last time we talked...he kept saying suppose this and suppose that!)
Suppose I don't get to see her until July 2008! Or even later! Can I do that? I already know the answer.

Better outcomes must be forthcoming for me to be able to move forward comfortably. 2008 shall mean, truly being untethered from our home country. it shall be sink or swim time, it shall be challenging to see how quickly we adapt to our new surroundings. it shall be interesting to see how my husband shall carry himself in this new environment. he has said that he is not afraid of doing any kind of job that he can. He is also gung ho on going to Calgary. He is also already making my time here sound as though I have been wasting time, when he plans to 'hit' the ground running when he arrives.
I do not plan to play any games of who's better. It is a stupid game. My eye is on how soon our child can be with us.
How he managed determines how well our lives will proceed. Will we proceed as he says he wants? Will I finally be able to pursue what I set out for myself? So much remains to be answered.


When so much is left up to the moment, I have the fallback of my pregnancy experience, and that is to proceed with what i can see, putting one foot in front of the other as I experience the new.